All I Wanted Was A TV!

Have any of y’all gone out and tried to purchase a TV lately?

I hadn’t up til now, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. We’d recently decided that it was time for us to replace our current TV, as we bought her back in 1986. She’s run perfectly the entire time since, and is by far the best TV that I’ve ever owned.

Times change, though, and I came to realize that my TV has some marked limitations. It doesn’t have enough memory to play all of the channels currently offered by my cable provider, and the speaker on it is really tiny. If I played an Elvis or BTO video I had to jack up the sound as loudly as I could, but if I got it too loud the distortion would make the songs unintelligible. It was a true dilemma, plus, add in the fact that the screen was relatively small, and it all pointed towards my need for a new one.

I proceeded to gird my loins for battle, as I despise shopping about as much as I would a beets flavored ICEE. I can’t even tell y’all where most of the major shopping outlets are around Macon, and I aim to keep it that way. The only thing worse than shopping is to have to eat low calorie foods, and since I’ve just finished three chili dogs, I’ll keep this week’s discussion focused on shopping.

After doing some research, I decided to shop at three major area television retailers, and one relatively small one. Thus decided, I promptly got in my car and started making the rounds.

My first stop was at a large retail discount store, one that everyone knows, and I figured they’d surely have what I wanted. I went inside, and the first thing I discovered was that the store was huge, as you could buy anything from food to gasoline there. I was as lost as one person could be, and I silently cursed the retail gods for allowing such monstrosities to exist. After asking several clerks where the TVs were and getting nada answers, I just happened to see some monitors hanging on a wall in the back of the store. I immediately went back there, and saw that there were dozens of TVs, in all kinds of sizes, shapes, and configurations.

I‘m not kidding, there were big screen TVs, plasma TVs, TV/DVD/VCR combos, wide screen TVs, high definition TVs, wall mounted TVs, projection TVs, home theatre TVs, and that‘s just naming a few. How can you possibly decide which is best? Determined to find one right for me, I slogged my way through lots of sets, checking out their features and prices. I actually found one that I liked, a thirty-inch wide screen TV with stereo surround sound and high definition capabilities. When I asked the clerk about purchasing one, he told me that the store was all out as they’d had ten of them til about a week ago, but decided to ship them all back to their warehouse. Strangely enough, the clerk then told me they’d had two customer requests for them in the past couple of days. Go figure.

I thanked the guy, and promptly left for another store. This one was a trendy electronics place that’s quite popular with my kids. All they had were large, pricey projection and plasma TVs. I quickly blew them off like a Matthew Lesko commercial, and then drove over to a well known electronics retailer. Their prices were high, but I did see a TV and a stand that I wanted. The salesman was in the process of ringing up the sale when he looked up at me and said, “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’ll have to order this for you as we‘re currently out of stock.” I told him that I intended to go home with a TV, and promptly left for the last and smallest store on my list.

Guess what? This store had the TV that I wanted at a good price, but only one stand, and it was out on the sales floor with a large TV sitting up on top of it. The sales person promptly got a hand truck, removed the TV from the stand, and sold it to me at a discount. We then shook hands and I left the store with a new TV, a new stand, and an even greater appreciation for small retailers that understand the value of good customer service. I then went home, plugged in my new TV, and watched the entire “Elvis: Aloha From Hawaii“ DVD. Life is good, and hopefully the next time that I have to go out and purchase a TV will be when I’ll love prunes and consider a hot woman to be one that has a working electric blanket....

About the Author

Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.