I have read thousands of books, articles and message board posts about self-esteem. And most of them are the equivalent of painting a house that is about to collapse. Keep yourself busy. Get out more. Achieve something. Write three good things about yourself. Buy new clothes and take an effort over your appearance. Almost no one takes the time to think what the problem really is. It doesn’t matter if you have more money than Bill Gates. It doesn’t matter if you have more friends than a Hollywood Casting Director. It doesn’t matter if you look like Brad Pitt or J Lo. It doesn’t matter if you have a book bigger than War and Peace filled with nice things about yourself. They still won’t give you self-esteem. Not the kind of lasting self-esteem that you’ll maintain whatever happens. They may make you feel better. They probably will give you more confidence. But confidence is an entirely different thing from self-esteem… although most people don’t seem to realise it. But in your mind there will always be a nagging little doubt. A little voice that creeps up on you. “What if you lose your money… what if you fail next time… what if your friends don’t like you anymore… what if you get it wrong”? And so you may think these things will bring you self-esteem. Yet actually what they will bring you is only a good feeling for as long as they last. And a feeling of insecurity in case they don’t last. Why won’t they change your self-esteem? Because self-esteem really has nothing to do with anything other than your own judgement of worthy you are. This depends on your understanding of the world and how you fit into it. All the stuff around you will change. So losses will happen… friendships will end… looks will fade… and successes will pass. But the only thing that is constant and always with you is you. So to really develop a belief in yourself… that doesn’t depend on everything going right… a belief that will comfort and support you whatever happens in life… you need to understand exactly where you fit in the grand scheme of the universe. Its not as snappy as the usual kind of three steps you usually see. It’s not as much fun as going out more. Nor is it as obvious as achieving more. But by developing a philosophy that guides you – you’ll prevent ever being back in the same situation again. About the Author Robert McPhillips is dedicated to finding the quickest and simplest path to happiness and sharing this through |
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