Give At The Office: Empty At Home

As the stigma of seeking therapy has diminished, serious therapists have themselves become scapegoats and symbols for much that is wrong with the mental health field. This distrust of the therapeutic professions comes at a time when there is an increasing unraveling of relationships, family, and community and society needs good therapists more than ever. While the Internet has brought us easy access to instant information and provided us with chat rooms to visit when we are lonely, the Internet is itself responsible for many of the new problems facing us, as the real structures that constitute a dependable emotional safety net are being eroded.

In an attempt to make the work place more inviting and employees more productive, the new work environment may include amenities such as gyms, child-care centers, kitchens, valet and concierge services, sleeping rooms, and even rooms for worship. The underside of this shift towards “office as home” is that it is in direct competition with, and can seriously challenge, the quality of family life. Thus, while improving the work place—a major and important cultural construct—is all to the good, it is, at the same time, contributing to the erosion of an even more important cultural construct, the family.

Family time is becoming sparse and scattered. Even those who work at home often lose their boundaries and find that work life and home life merge into one. Husbands and wives stop communicating, lovemaking disappears and children get shuttled from one activity to another or shunted from one ex to another.

It is time to stop and think about the way your own life is structured. Do you have your priorities straight? Do you make time for yourself, for your loved one(s), for your children, your friends? Do you exercise, eat well, and take care of your spiritual self? When is the last time you had a relaxed meal, together at home? Is where you live a place of business, a place to sleep, or does the structure, be it a room, apartment or house really function as a home?

If you give to yourself first, in a healthy selfish-self-caring way, second, to those you love and third to work, your chances of having a happy home and full work life will improve. If you increasingly give at the office, you risk winding up with the equivalent of an empty pocket with a hole in it. The more you put into your empty pocket, the bigger the hole, and before you know it, life as you wish is life as you wish not—-chaotic, up-side-down, and slipping through that ever expanding torn hole. Sew up that empty hole and make your life whole. Give at home first and at the office second. Everyone will benefit, especially you.

Life is too hard to do alone,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

About the Author

Dr. Dorree Lynn is co-founder of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and a practicing clinician in New York and Washington, DC. Dr. Lynn served on the executive board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and she is on the editorial board of their publication, Voices. She is also a regular columnist for the Washington, DC newspaper, The Georgetowner. Dr. Lynn is a noted speaker and well known on the lecture circuit.