Partners as Mindreaders

SPOUSE AS MINDREADER

Well, I'm here to tell you that's not gonna happen. Though it's amazing how many people expect mindreading in a relationship. Particularly women. See, we women think we can read our partner's minds, and can't understand why its not reciprocated. The good news is, obviously, that no one can read anyone's mind. That's not communicating, that's very very very wishful, and often destructive, thinking. Actually, you might want to really reconsider this wish. Imagine if he or she could read everything in your mind?

Example of woman thinking she's mindreading: Husband is watching tv, gorgeous, sexy female appears in an ad. Wife mistakenly mindreads: "You're thinking about how much prettier she is than me, aren't you? You're thinking you'd really like to have sex with her, admit it! If you COULD have one time out on our commitment, you'd be with her, wouldn't you?" Now, the poor guy is really wondering if tonight is a green light with his wife(he obviously has no shot with the actress on tv) but now he doesn't go for it because he might get in more trouble. She gets pissed at him for "lying" to her, and now he doesn't dare come on to her because he's pissed her off (no clue why) when really she wants him to mindread that she wants him to come on to her..... but has chosen a less than effective way of communicating this to him...

Better would be: Honey, I feel so insecure when I see those gorgeous models on tv. Do you still want me like you used to? I guarantee you'll both get what you want with this straitforward approach!

Example of male mindreading: The man gets into bed and, figuring the bed is a mating mat even though he's been advised hundreds of time to the contrary, mindreads that she really wants him tonight and is just too shy to come right out and say it (see above). He jumps her bones and either gets shoved off or she plays dead through the whole thing (admit it, women: for spite).

Better: subtle communication works best here. Offer a back rub, or a foot rub, and very slowly work your way to the desired destination. Give her some time to enjoy the relaxation and get in the mood. Minimal communication would be: does that feel good? Telling her why you love her or her specific physical attributes communicates that you still think she's hot. Don't expect her to mindread how sexy you think she is. We never get tired of hearing it.

About the Author

Maggie is a professional couples counselor and singles relationship coach in Fairfield County, CT. See more at www.therapyct.com or contact maggie@therapyct.com