A Country Boy’s View on Fashion

 by: Gene Simmons

I still can’t understand it. After all these years, I can’t make a lick of sense out of what folks consider to be in or out of fashion – appropriate or inappropriate attire or appearance. What was “in” last year, might be “out” this year – or it might be in but you need to change what you wear with it. What was OK for spring and summer probably won’t work well for fall and winter - weather considerations aside. And what is in was likely already in somewhere around 20 or so years ago but then it went out so something else could be in. And why don’t they just come right out and say FAKE fur instead of trying to dress it up with a fancy foreign word?

Thank God for jeans…

I gotta find the Fashion Holy Book. I know there has to be one out there somewhere that says that it’s a sin to wear the same thing as you wore last year. Or maybe it’s just sometimes that it’s a sin. I dunno. All I know is that the ladies section has to be really big. Like maybe everything but the last seven pages. Guys don’t seem to matter quite as much. It’s sort of like an afterthought thing just so we wouldn’t be offended. They – whoever “they” is – could have left us out completely for all I care.

Thank God for jeans…

I can’t understand it. Why sometimes looking “layered” is good and sometimes it isn’t. Why sometimes croc (apparently “they” couldn’t spell the entire word) is good and sometimes it isn’t. Why big old-looking broaches are sometimes good and sometimes they aren’t. And why anyone would ever frown on micro-mini’s is beyond me. OK, so I’m I guy. I’ll let that one go.

Thank God for jeans…

And how can pleats be in or out? What about tweed? Is it good or not? Why do ladies handbags need to match their shoes? Can summer shoes be the same as winter shoes? Probably not, huh? And what’s wrong with tie dye for cryin’ out loud? Looks cool to me. And what’s the deal with buying jeans – brand new, mind you - that look like they’ve already been worn for two years? I never have been able to figure out that one.

But yeah, thank God for jeans…

I can’t understand it. Are guys dress jackets now supposed to have two, three or four buttons? Are pleated dress pants in or out? What about casual slacks? Cuffs – yes or no? Tuck or don’t tuck? Why can’t neckties be any width we dang well want? And why do we even wear the silly things in the first place? Why is it important for all the men to look like penguins when they dress for formal occasions? A zebra look makes just as much sense to me.

Thank God for jeans…

And have you looked at underwear lately? (Do I need to rephrase that?) Now I understand that the ladies like to do all sorts of push up, push out, accent, emphasize, enhancement stuff. But guys – we’re getting out of control! Holy smokes. I thought the intent of our under-layer was to keep our goodies in place and prevent excessive scuffing against whatever outer-layer we happened to be wearing. I’ve even seen articles describing what kinds of underwear the celebrities are wearing. Why would we care? I’m just not understanding any of this.

Thank God for jeans – and good old briefs…

I guess I never will comprehend any of this fashion “in style” stuff. Seems to me that if we’re clean and comfortable – including warm, cool or dry depending on the weather – we’re good to go. I just can’t see that anything else matters much. Of course, I’m just an old country boy. What do I know?