Keeping A Marriage Romantic

 by: Alan Detwiler

My belief is that most relationship problems should be given less attention ... how much do you want to stir up the bottom muck? A couple will be happier if they pay attention to good things instead of being concerned with problems.

A romantic relationship happens because of the hopes and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. The relationship will be pleasant and rewarding as long as you pay attention to what inspires those hopes and dreams.

To get the most from a romantic relationship build upon what makes your relationship worthwhile and wonderful.

Nothing is perfect --

Don't expect a perfect relationship. That happens only in fairy tales. Problems will occur. You will get hurt. Being too concerned with the problems will stop you from paying enough attention to what is good in the relationship.

If perfection is the goal, you will compare how the relationship is now to what you think it should be. You will be continually disappointed. Making the relationship better should be the goal. If love happens, it will be based on believing that both of you can continue to build a good relationship.

Your attitude should signal the other person that you will try to patiently work through each other's shortcomings. It won't be easy. Being tolerant and non-condemning is a challenge. But consciously making an effort to be tolerant goes a long way.

Build upon what is good --

Find activities that you both like and do them together. These can be activities such as gardening, cooking, hobbies, conversation, recreation, an interest in art, charity volunteering, and family activities. Having interests that are shared, keeps a couple involved in each other's lives.

Share ideas to find ways to more enjoy living. Tell your sweetheart about strategies you use for such things as achieving goals and enjoying yourself. Tell each other about what you think is interesting, what is worthwhile, and what is encouraging. If you share positive ideas, you will think of each other as pleasant and enjoyable.

Encourage your partner to act and make decisions. Both of you will be able to accomplish more with the other's support and encouragement. When there is a disagreement, be patient. If you need to criticize, offer an attractive alternative rather than a condemnation. Your encouragement likely will produce more good results than will your objections.

The good things in life are much more important than the disappointments. Remind yourselves often of the good in what you are doing. And take some time to do what you enjoy.